Wait, how old am i?
Yup, it's my birthday and yup, I did have to ask my boyfriend how old I was.. several times.
I will be turning 26. I will be closer to 30 than 20.
I will be totally honest, this one really crept up on me.
Unsure whether this is because I have never really been one to celebrate my own birthday or because now I have my own little girl I don't have a minute (or care) to think of myself and my own celebrations.
I feel once I became a mummy I had to force myself to take ten minutes, then 30 and now I am up to one whole hour of pamper/quiet/alcohol/binge (go me).
So I have decided to celebrate in my own little way. By writing down everything I have learned this past year and what I am proud of, a love letter to myself if you will.
A little self celebration is a good thing and it is my birthday after all..
The girl who used to love to party, some say a little to much. The girl who was passionate about everything she tried. The girl who fell madly in love with a welsh guy. The girl who also hated the welsh guy a few times. The girl who was just that.. a girl.
What a year 25 was!
You got pregnant after trying, not trying and trying again. You had many plans for your pregnancy including every class you could get your hands on, letting your family members feel every inch of your bump and maybe a little 'babymoon' and although they didn't happen, that's okay because you held your head high and took the positives. You got to spend the last few months of just you, your amazing baby daddy and your fur baby at home in your own little bubble. You got to share the pregnancy with your cousin who was pregnant at the same time. Okay so maybe you shared the experience over facetime, whatsapp and lots of tagged comments on instagram and not face-to-face, but it fulfilled a fraction of that dream you always spoke about together and I think that is pretty special.
You birthed a baby. It wasn't easy, wasn't your ideal choice and yet it was perfect.
You became a woman with a whole new purpose and life altogether.
You adapted to this like it was your calling in life, because it really was. You are a strong woman, a mother and a hell of a partner.
You deal with hard times. In fact, you destroy them. You have been there before, you had it then and you have it now.
You accepted the fact you have OCD and have tried to make major adjustments for the benefit of yourself and your family. That is a tough thing to do and it takes a strong woman to do this. Your habits have been around since you can remember and you've managed to stop some dead in their tracks and keep at those stubborn ones taking over many moments of your day. Be proud of this.
Family drama? Always. You don't change your stripes even when you could scream, shout and show zero respect.
You have raised your daughter. When there was no classes, you researched the best way to do it yourself. You spent quite a few hours doing this and it paid off.
Your body is different. You struggle some (most) days. You are confident some days too. You've had days you cannot look yourself in the mirror or get dressed. You quickly realised showing your own body the love and appreciation you never saw anyone show their bodies as you were growing up, you will rub off onto your gorgeous, confident little girl. You must stop comparing your body that has just created a human, grew said human and birthed.. you guessed it.. that human, to your body at 21 when you danced every day and partied the rest.
Some days are easy. Some days are fun. Some days are very f*cking hard. You get through them. You will get through them.
You are the person you are destined to be.
Continue to back yourself.
Be proud of where you are.
So what do I want for the year of 26?
to continue to grow
to show myself the insane levels of love I feel and show my family
take LOTS of pictures and videos because one day it will be all our family have
be in the pictures no matter what weight
stop comparing my body to my body at 18-21
believe in my passions
accept responsibility for my own life
I want to be present.
I can't begin to describe how good I feel after reminding myself how much of a bad bitch i became during my 25th year on this planet. I recommend you try..
I am off to eat copius amount of food, drink a little Prosecco and enjoy my day with my beautiful little family that I have created.
Have a gorgeous Friday.
You can call me, Mama x